One is not simply born a Jean-Claude; one must become a Jean-Claude. The title is earned. No, Jean-Claude van Randy was born with an unassuming name (Randall) in an unassuming city (Sheboygan, Wisconsin 53081).
He had a bike with a kickstand and liked to race his friends from the cul-de-sac to the fancy, "uppity" stoplight of Lincoln Boulevard. He infrequently won.
Randy has two embossed certificates that you can't touch above his mahogany desk in his executive chef's office at Two Dollar Radio Headquarters in Columbus, Ohio, and prefers you refer to his hair decisions as a Kentucky waterfall, not a mullet - Jean-Claude van Damme never had to answer these questions.
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